Et si les jaquettes de jeux vidéos n'étaient pas hypocrites ?
Lorsque je vais dans un supermarché mon activité favorite, si on oublie le "caddie stock car of death contre adversaires non consentants" (3 points bonus en cas de collision avec une petite vieille, +1 si ça fait sauter son dentier), consiste à me rendre dans le rayon jeux vidéos pour m'y délecter des descriptions au dos des jaquettes. Je sais, dit comme ça ça ne parait pas vraiment marrant, c'est même carrément glauque, mais toute l'astuce est de ne choisir que les jeux les plus pourris qui existent et de s'imaginer la tête crispée et toute rouge du pauvre responsable du marketing qui a été obligé de rédiger les arguments pour le vanter. Je ne sais pas vous mais moi si je devais faire la jaquette de "Barbie Princesse contre les gentils zombies" j'aurais du mal à écrire autre chose que "C'est de la MERDE, BEUUURK *doigts dans la gorge*" et pourtant ce n'est pas l'hypocrisie qui manque à mon petit corps musclé !
Du coup, et histoire de ne plus être le seul gogol à rire bêtement dans le rayon Jeux Vidéos, je me suis dit qu'il pourrait être amusant de voir ce que pourrait donner les jaquettes de jeux vidéos moisis s'ils n'avaient pas été rédigées par des responsables marketing débordant de bonne vieille mauvaise foi. Pour ce faire j'ai tout bêtement chopé les scans des descriptifs des jeux les plus moisis du cul que j'ai pu dégotter (étonnement il s'agit principalement d'adaptation de films...) et je les aient recomposéS à ma sauce. vous allez voir j'ai fait ça comme un yougoslave amputé des deux bras de quoi s'en faire saigner des yeux, le bonheur des opticiens.
Raniania : Chapitre 1
La description originale :
(Pour la jaquette complète cliquez-ici)
La description non hypocrite :
Bad Boys 2
La description originale :
(Pour la jaquette complète cliquez-ici)
La description non hypocrite :
En bonus une image très inspirée qui fait la part belle à l'humour raffiné parce que c'est ça aussi Nioutaik :
James Bond : Nightfire
La description originale :
(Pour la jaquette complète cliquez-ici)
La description non hypocrite :
Bonus :
Bonus
En bonus voici plusieurs trucs amusants/abhérants/qui-piquent-les-yeux que j'ai découvert en sélectionnant des jaquettes moisis, ça fait peur :
- Image photoshoppée :
Le prix de l'image de promo de jeu la plus photoshoppée de la terre du mois est remportée haut la main par le jeu super merdissime Iron Man (tellement merdissime que je ne l'autoriserais même pas à laver mes chiottes même s'il me payait oO)
Il y a pas à dire, Sega c'est plus fort que toi !!
- La promo putassière
Il parait que le sexe fait vendre, c'est pas moi qui le dit mais la prostitué qui habite l'immeuble en face de chez moi alors ça doit être vrai ! Enfin vrai ou pas on dirait bien que chez M6 on y croit à fond quand on voit l'"argument" de folie sur la jaquette du chiassisime Caméra Café (dur de pas répéter merdissime) :
Olol ! On peut matter sous la jupe des filles !! J'achète !
- La promo spéciale neuneus
Ce n'est pas une promo spéciale neuneus que j'ai à vous proposer mais bien deux, tout d'abord sur le injustement fameux jeu de bagnole vaguement GTAesque Driv3r :
Ah bon ! Il y a des jeux de conduite dans un jeu qui s'appelle Driver avec une image de mec dans une voiture en couverture ?? Mince, moi qui croyait acheter une simulation d'élevage de lémuriens cocaïnomanes !
Dans le même genre voici le jeu "A prendre ou a laisser" qui, pour être sur de se vendre auprès d'un maximum de personne joue la carte du gros neuneuisme !!
Et puis je ne comprend pas ce racisme auprès des personnes âgé de 78 ans et plus !! Mon arrière grand mère n'a pas le droit de jouer c'est ça ? C'est quoi le problème elle pue de la gueule ? Oui ? Bon c'est vrai qu'elle a des problèmes d'hygiène dentaire mais quand même c'est pas une raison !!
Et pour finir ce billet en se faisant encore saigner les yeux voici l'image qui a manqué de me faire un arrêt cardiaque de rire et croyez moi un arrêt cardiaque de rire c'est moche à voir ! Bien sur pour comprendre tout le côté sublime de cette image il faut au moins avoir vu Brokeback Mountain et The Dark Night (fantabulissime d'ailleurs, avec le Goddamn Batman dedans) :
Et sinon pour les fans d'images débiles j'ai fait une grosse mise à jour sur la galerie
Amazing! Its really remarkable piece of writing, I
Evie | vendredi 30 juin 2023 | 13:22Amazing! Its really remarkable piece of writing, I have got much
clear idea regarding from this piece of writing.
You actually make it seem really easy together
Walter | vendredi 14 juillet 2023 | 22:33You actually make it seem really easy together with your presentation however I to
find this topic to be actually something that I
think I would never understand. It kind of feels too complex and extremely
extensive for me. I'm taking a look forward
to your next put up, I will try to get the grasp of it!
Nice replies in return of this issue with firm
Nick | vendredi 14 juillet 2023 | 23:54Nice replies in return of this issue with firm arguments and describing the whole thing on the topic of that.
Thank you for any other wonderful post. Where else
Gonzalo | vendredi 14 juillet 2023 | 23:55Thank you for any other wonderful post. Where else may just anybody get
that type of information in such a perfect approach of writing?
I have a presentation subsequent week, and I am on the look for such info.
I am genuinely thankful to the owner of this web
Clay | samedi 15 juillet 2023 | 07:24I am genuinely thankful to the owner of this web site who has shared this
impressive article at at this time.
First of all I would like to say great blog! I had
Lavon | samedi 15 juillet 2023 | 07:35First of all I would like to say great blog! I had a quick question which I'd like to ask
if you do not mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing.
I've had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out there.
I do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are lost simply just trying to figure out
how to begin. Any recommendations or hints? Kudos!
you're really a just right webmaster. The web site
Christena | samedi 15 juillet 2023 | 13:55you're really a just right webmaster. The web site loading velocity is incredible.
It seems that you are doing any unique trick. Moreover, The contents are
masterwork. you've done a excellent task in this topic!
I'm excited to uncover this site. I want to to
Jayden | samedi 15 juillet 2023 | 22:27I'm excited to uncover this site. I want to to thank you for
ones time just for this wonderful read!! I definitely really liked every part of it and I have you saved as a favorite to check out new things on your website.
Wow, that's what I was looking for, what a stuff!
Brenna | dimanche 16 juillet 2023 | 19:26Wow, that's what I was looking for, what a stuff!
existing here at this weblog, thanks admin of
this site.
I just like the helpful information you supply in
Daniella | lundi 17 juillet 2023 | 05:32I just like the helpful information you supply in your
articles. I'll bookmark your blog and check again here regularly.
I am relatively certain I'll be informed plenty of new stuff proper right here!
Best of luck for the following!
Wonderful items from you, man. I have take into
Cierra | lundi 17 juillet 2023 | 15:43Wonderful items from you, man. I have take into accout your stuff previous to and you
are just too wonderful. I really like what you have got here, certainly like
what you're saying and the way in which wherein you
say it. You're making it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it smart.
I can not wait to read much more from you. That is really a tremendous site.
Hi colleagues, pleasant piece of writing and
France | lundi 17 juillet 2023 | 16:17Hi colleagues, pleasant piece of writing and pleasant urging
commented here, I am really enjoying by these.
Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole my
Clement | mercredi 9 août 2023 | 14:00Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it
can survive a forty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed
and she has 83 views. I know this is completely
off topic but I had to share it with someone!
I believe everything posted made a great deal of
Darren | dimanche 10 septembre 2023 | 22:14I believe everything posted made a great deal of
sense. But, think on this, what if you added a little information? I ain't suggesting your information isn't good., but what if you added a title to maybe
get a person's attention? I mean Et si les jaquettes
de jeux vidéos n'étaient pas hypocrites ? - Niou Taiknolog1e
is kinda boring. You could glance at Yahoo's front page and see how they create news
headlines to grab viewers to click. You might
add a related video or a related pic or two to get readers interested about
what you've written. Just my opinion, it would make
your website a little bit more interesting.
If you are going for best contents like I do, just
Bernadette | dimanche 10 septembre 2023 | 22:48If you are going for best contents like I do, just go to see
this website all the time because it gives quality contents, thanks
If you would like to get a great deal from this
Corey | jeudi 14 septembre 2023 | 17:53If you would like to get a great deal from this piece of writing then you have to apply these
techniques to your won website.
Awesome issues here. I'm very happy to peer your
Leora | vendredi 15 septembre 2023 | 11:50Awesome issues here. I'm very happy to peer your post.
Thanks a lot and I am looking forward to contact you.
Will you kindly drop me a mail?
Why users still make use of to read news papers
Saundra | mercredi 20 septembre 2023 | 20:53Why users still make use of to read news papers when in this technological globe all is
accessible on net?
magnificent issues altogether, you just received a
Horace | jeudi 21 septembre 2023 | 07:51magnificent issues altogether, you just received a brand new reader.
What would you suggest about your put up that you simply
made a few days in the past? Any sure?
If you want to increase your know-how just keep
Greg | jeudi 21 septembre 2023 | 08:58If you want to increase your know-how just keep visiting this website
and be updated with the latest information posted here.
Excellent goods from you, man. I've understand
Dirk | vendredi 22 septembre 2023 | 02:03Excellent goods from you, man. I've understand your stuff previous to and you're just too fantastic.
I really like what you have acquired here, really like what you are stating and the way during which
you are saying it. You are making it enjoyable and you continue to care for to
stay it smart. I cant wait to learn far more from you. This is really a wonderful web site.
It's an awesome piece of writing for all the
Denese | dimanche 24 septembre 2023 | 09:41It's an awesome piece of writing for all the online users;
they will take benefit from it I am sure.
I have been exploring for a little for any high
Jaxon | mercredi 27 septembre 2023 | 03:51I have been exploring for a little for any high quality articles or
weblog posts in this kind of area . Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this web site.
Studying this info So i'm glad to express that I have an incredibly good uncanny feeling I
came upon just what I needed. I so much unquestionably
will make sure to don?t disregard this web
site and provides it a look regularly.
It's great that you are getting ideas from this
Melissa | vendredi 29 septembre 2023 | 07:35It's great that you are getting ideas from this paragraph as well as from our dialogue made at this
time.
Hello, this weekend is nice in support of me,
Nickolas | vendredi 29 septembre 2023 | 10:33Hello, this weekend is nice in support of me, since this point in time i am reading this great informative piece of writing here at my home.
I don't know if it's just me or if everybody else
Filomena | dimanche 1 octobre 2023 | 11:27I don't know if it's just me or if everybody else encountering problems with your blog.
It appears as if some of the text in your posts are
running off the screen. Can somebody else please provide feedback and let me
know if this is happening to them as well? This may be a problem
with my internet browser because I've had this happen previously.
Many thanks
At this moment I am going away to do my breakfast,
Jacki | lundi 9 octobre 2023 | 07:05At this moment I am going away to do my breakfast, after having my
breakfast coming again to read more news.
What a information of un-ambiguity and
Tahlia | dimanche 15 octobre 2023 | 22:06What a information of un-ambiguity and preserveness
of precious experience concerning unpredicted emotions.
Quality articles is the crucial to interest the
Lenore | mardi 30 avril 2024 | 20:16Quality articles is the crucial to interest the users to pay
a visit the website, that's what this site
is providing.
Hello friends, its wonderful paragraph regarding
Cole | mercredi 1 mai 2024 | 02:37Hello friends, its wonderful paragraph regarding tutoringand entirely explained,
keep it up all the time.
What's up, I want to subscribe for this blog to
Clint | jeudi 16 mai 2024 | 11:43What's up, I want to subscribe for this blog to take latest updates,
so where can i do it please assist.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on natural
Swen | mardi 21 mai 2024 | 09:41Thanks for sharing your thoughts on natural supplements for
high cholesterol. Regards
I think that what you said was actually very
Maurine | jeudi 23 mai 2024 | 14:35I think that what you said was actually very
reasonable. However, think on this, what if you added a little content?
I ain't saying your information is not solid., however what
if you added a title that makes people want more?
I mean Et si les jaquettes de jeux vidéos n'étaient pas hypocrites ?
- Niou Taiknolog1e is a little vanilla. You should glance at Yahoo's home
page and watch how they create post titles to get
people to open the links. You might add a video or a
related picture or two to get readers excited about what you've got
to say. In my opinion, it might bring your posts a little livelier.