La Révélation des Pyramides, le documentaire en mousse
Qu’il s’agisse d’un jeu télévisé ou de blocs de caillasses paumés en plein désert, les pyramides sont entourées d’une aura de mystère ! Non mais c’est vrai quoi, comment des mecs qui parlent en rébus, dont les talents de dessinateurs dépassent à peine ceux d’un enfant de 3 ans (ils arrivent à dessiner de face, eux !) et avec un panthéon qui ressemble plus au zoo de Vincennes qu’à autre chose, auraient pu construire les pyramides sans l’aide des Aliens, des Atlantes ou d’une grue de chantier Black & Decker modèle 8 avec bi-lame affutée diamant 5µm ?? Je vous le demande ma bonne dame !!
Hélas pour les amateurs de petit gris et de petits noyés, au même titre qu’il doit bien exister quelqu’un dans le monde qui pige les règles du jeu Pyramide, les soit disant mystérieux mystères mystiques des pyramides Egyptiennes sont basées, au mieux sur des raccourcis en mousse et autres faux dilemmes, au pire, sur des préconceptions en carton. D’ailleurs, qu’il s’agisse des théories du parking pour vaisseaux aliens, du message apocalyptique laissé par une civilisation supérieure voir carrément des centrales électrique alimentées par l’énergie de la connerie, elles reposent toutes sur les même arguments, à quelques variantes près, parce qu’il n’y a pas de raison que seuls les bouteilles en plastiques soient recyclées !
L’ennui c’est que, ces théories moisis se régénèrent à deux fois la vitesse d’un humain normal comme mon amour propre et c’est pourquoi elles ressurgissent régulièrement sous diverses formes pour vomir à nouveau leur ignorance. C’est ainsi qu’un gentil lecteur qui doit probablement me détester très très fort pour m’infliger ça m’a indiqué l’existence d’un documentaire sorti il y a peu intitulé "La révélation des pyramides". Ce "truc" promet de dévoiler tous les mystérieux mystères cachés par les vilains Egyptologues à la solde des Illuminatis du FBI chinois du Mossad islamique. Hélas, dès les premières secondes du trailer, ça refoule du goulot :
Parce que c’est connu, le 3ème millénaire c’était encore la préhistoire partout dans le monde sauf en Egypte. Les Minoens, Sumériens, et autres peuples qui avaient largement dépassé l’époque des grottes vont grave kiffer. Ignares !
Autant vous dire que son visionnage m’a fait pousser de nombreux petit cris, à tel point que mes voisins sont maintenant persuadés que je fais un élevage clandestin de porcinets dans mon salon pour les vendre à Findus pour leurs bâtonnets de poisson! Du coup, comme je n’aime pas souffrir seul, j’men va vous expliquer en quoi ce documentaire tient moins debout qu’un nouveau né avec les deux jambes dans le plâtre sur une plaque de verglas pendant un tremblement de terre.
Trêve de blabla, décortiquons tout ça comme savent si bien le faire nos amis homosexuels : gaiement !
L’intro parano !Le documentaire se présente comme une simili quête initiatique dans les secrets des pyramides. La narratrice raconte qu’elle a été guidée dans ses recherches par un mystérieux informateur qui ose s’opposer au dogme établi par ces gros enfoiray d’Egyptologues !! Bouh, que tout cela est mystique et pas du tout fait pour ne pas devoir annoncer trop clairement que l’informateur est en réalité Jacques Grimault, un astro-numéro-ufologue qui en tient une belle couche. Ca n’aurait pas fait sérieux.
Bien sûr, comme tout documentaire pseudo-scientifique qui se respecte, la paranoïa est à son maximum et la narratrice répète à longueur de temps que les Egyptologues c’est un peu comme la mafia, si on ose les contredire ils brisent les genoux des hérétiques avant de forcer leurs enfants à manger des lasagnes de cheval. Il faut donc beaucoup de courage pour ne serait ce que poser des questions qui fâchent. Avec des prémisses pareilles, je ne vous cache pas que j’ai été très déçu d’apprendre que les auteurs de ce daubecumentaire n’ont pas encore été retrouvés les deux pieds dans le béton au fond de la Seine, la secte satanique des égyptologues a perdu de son mordant faut croire. Enfin, j’imagine que le syndrome du martyr est censé renforcer leur message. Après tout, la légende veut que Galilée ait été persécuté pour avoir osé dire la vérité alors si je sors que 2 + 2 = 25,37 et qu’on s’acharne à me dire que c’est de la daube, c’est que j’ai raison, CQFD.
Si tout ça ne vous donne pas une idée du sérieux du documentaire, l’introduction s’enfonce direct dans l’argument d’autorité en mousse à coup de "C’est une enquête qui m’a pris 10 ans" parce que c’est connu, plus c’est long plus c’est bon et les flics se donnent souvent de grandes tapes dans le dos quand, après 25 ans d’investigation, ils concluent qu’un mec qui s’est pris 250 coups de couteaux dans le dos ne s’est pas suicidé ! Pour faire bonne figure on a également droit à du "ceci est une enquête sans à priori ni préjugé" alors que 2 minutes plus tard la narratrice laissera sous entendre que les Egyptologues c’est un peu des Polpots des sables. Habituez vous vite, ces contradictions sont permanentes. Mais tout ça n’est rien en comparaison de :
Parce que tout ce qui manquait à ce joyeux mélange de paranoïa et d’arguments d’autorité, c’est un brin de mégalomanie ! Dommage qu’une bouse, aussi puante soit elle, ne révolutionne jamais rien. Ceci étant dit, on peut enchaîner sereinement sur…
Les 8 prouesses des bâtisseursComme le cahier des charge des documentaires bidons sur les pyramides l’exige, c’est parti pour de longues minutes d’explications sur le pourquoi la grande Pyramide est tellement trop supra dur à construire que ces grosses caves d’Egyptiens n’ont pas pu la faire eux-même. Bien sûr, ces "arguments" ont tous comme logique de fond "Gneu compren pas comen y zon fé alor c forsséman pa eu ki l’on fé, lol" mais faites semblant d’y croire.
Marche aussi avec n’importe quelle civilisation tellement supérieurement avancée qu’elle a inventé des objets et outils biodégradables afin de ne laisser aucune trace de son existence aux générations futures.
Même si le documentaire prétend lister "8 prouesses des bâtisseurs", celles-ci peuvent se regrouper en 5 catégories avec les doublons (mais ça aurait fait moins vendeur) :
- C’est trop lourd, gneu compren pa !! : Sur ce point, on entre de plein pied dans le monde du sensationnalisme par omission puisque le documentaire explique que "franchement, comment ils auraient pu faire pour charrier 130 blocs de granit sur près de 900km" en balançant ce plan :
Ce que le documentaire "totalement sans a priori j’ty jure, 10 ans d’enquête trankil tak tak" oublie de mettre en perspective c’est que ces 130 blocs représentent une infime partie des milliers de blocs de la grande pyramide puisqu’ils ont seulement servit pour la chambre du roi afin d’éviter qu’elle ne s’effondre sur la gueule de la momie en dessous paraît que les dieux égyptiens ne laissent pas entrer les steaks tartare au paradis, c’est compliqué. Le reste des blocs est fait avec du calcaire qui provient d’une carrière installée AU PIED des grandes pyramides. C’est même probablement la présence de cette réserve cailloutière qui a motivé le choix de ce lieu. Incroyable n’est ce pas ? Les égyptiens sont parvenu à la conclusion, sans l’aide d’Aliens pour leur souffler la réponse, qu’il se casseraient quand même moins le derche en taillant leurs caillasses au pied de la pyramide qu’au fin fond du pays ! Bonjour le trait de génie !
A noter que, bien qu’au moins 95% des blocs de la pyramide soient en calcaire, le daubecumentaire n’utilise que le mot "granit" dans ses descriptions, pour tout autre type de caillou, il préfère le terme "bloc de pierre" histoire d’entretenir la confusion. Objectivité mes fesses.
Vous allez me dire "oui mais bon, une infime partie du total des blocs ou pas, faut quand même bien se les farcir les 900km" et vous avez parfaitement raison mais, là encore, probablement grâce aux conseils de la civilisation disparue des Gloufax, les Egyptiens ont construit la carrière d’Assouan et les pyramides proche du Nil (il y avait même un port de débarquement sur le chantier) pile dans le sens du courant, ce qui leur a énormément facilité le transport par bateau.
Mais bon, j’imagine que laisser planer l’idée que TOUS les blocs ont parcouru 900km à dos de dromadaire ça fait plus sensationnel que l’idée, pourtant documentée, d’utiliser la flotte.
"Eh mais bateau ou pas bateau, faut bien qu’ils les tractent ces blocs ENOOOOOOOORMES du quai jusqu’à la pyramide, c’est trop impossible sans antigravité !! En plus ils pouvaient pas utiliser de rondins de bois pour les faire rouler, ils avaient pas assez de forêt"
Au-delà du fait que les arbres ça s’importe et que les blocs de la pyramide ne sont pas si énormes que ça (un peu plus que la taille d’un homme), les Egyptiens n’utilisaient pas des rondins pour déplacer les pierres mais des traîneaux en bois dont le déplacement était facilité par la lubrification de rails de bois. Bien sûr, le documentaire, toujours impatient d’être objectif, illustre systématiquement le déplacement des blocs à coup de rondins même si quasi aucun égyptologue n’est adepte de cette idée depuis un looong moment !
Vous allez me dire que je sors cette histoire de traîneaux de mon délicat postérieur mais c’est faux ! Déjà, c’est physiquement impossible même avec un traîneau en kit, ensuite, plusieurs de ces traîneaux ont été retrouvés lors de fouilles, des dessins les représentant se retrouvent fréquemment dans les représentations murales égyptiennes ET ils avaient même un hiéroglyphe spécifiquement créé pour en parler :
Bon, certes, si ça se trouve le hiéroglyphe est mal traduit et c’est une grosse insulte égyptienne mais le reste est difficilement ignorable alors pourquoi ne pas en parler si ce n’est pour faire du gros sensationnalisme par omission ??
"Eh mais attend espèce de sale défenseur du dogme Egyptologique mafieux !! Trainer des blocs de granit c’est une chose, les installer en hauteur c’en est une autre !! Mouhahahahah"
En effet, mais, là encore, nul besoin de technologies Made In Atlantis pour y parvenir. De simples techniques de bras de levier, de balancier et autres contrepoids sont très simples à mettre en place, même pour les vilains Egyptiens moins autonomes qu’un enfant Courjeau !! La preuve avec un monsieur qui s’amuse à déplacer de lourds blocs de béton dans son jardin au lieu d’y planter des légumes comme une personne normalement constituée !!
Voir cette vidéo montrant une statue Moai de 5 tonnes qui se déplace en marchant grâce à trois cordes et un troupeau de gens au bout :
Et pour ceux qui chouinent "Oui mais c’est des petits cailloux de JUSTE 5 tonnes dans tes vidéo, cheat !!", je vous invite à découvrir l’histoire merveilleuse de cette statue dont le socle de pierre de 1500 tonnes à été tracté sur 6km sans camion ni antigravité. Oui, c’est possible sans aliens !!
Alors, que l’on soit bien clair, je ne dis pas que ce sont nécessairement ces techniques qui ont été utilisées pour la fabrication des pyramides, ce que je dis c’est que ce sont des techniques extrêmement simples, bien qu’ingénieuses, pour bouger de lourdes charges et qu’il n’est pas difficile d’imaginer que ces techniques (ou d’autres) étaient parfaitement à la portée des Egyptiens sans avoir besoin de faire intervenir des "Aliens/Civilisations Anciennes/Voyageurs du futur" dans l’histoire ! D’ailleurs, si ces techniques vous intéressent, ce site axé sur les outils de l’ancienne Egypte et leur utilisation est awesome et tue dans l’œuf les remarques du reportage qui affirme que "personne n’a d’explication convaincante sur les outils des bâtisseurs parce que lé éjiptologue say r1 ke des vil1, trololololol" - C’est trop précis, gneu compren pa !!, qui inclut "la pente du couloir menant aux chambres funéraires est trop régulière tavu", "la chambre du roi est précise au 10ème de mm, impossibru !!" et autres "la façade nord n’est décalée que de 5 centième de degrés du nord terrestre, comment ils devaient trop avoir des lasers de l’espace pour y arriver". Comme de bien entendu, même si la grande pyramide de Gizeh est effectivement une prouesse de précision, elle n’est pas aussi parfaite que ces quelques exemples choisis le laissent supposer. Pas mal de ses blocs sont foireux, la chambre du roi est fissurée, sa base fluctue de plusieurs centimètres (en plus, avec le revêtement supra endommagé, dur de conclure sur ses dimensions précises avec plein de chiffres après la virgule) et le support de plafond de la chambre du roi est mal conçue avec de nombreux éléments qui ne servent à rien ce qui prouvent que les Egyptiens se cherchaient question résistance structurelle. Pour ne rien arranger, elle n’a rien de physiquement impossible (je n’ai pas dit "facile à faire") même avec des outils très rudimentaires et en sachant que les Egyptiens avaient des notions d’astronomie pour s’orienter.
En fait, cet argument du "stro préssi !" rappelle furieusement celui des Crop Circle qui ont un temps été jugés "totalement impossibles à faire avec une telle précision donc ALIENS §§" alors qu’une simple corde tendue, un piquet et une planche permet d’accomplir des merveilles. Même les maçons de nos jours n’ont généralement besoin que d’un niveau d’eau, d’une équerre et d’un fil à plomb et boom, ils contrôlent les 3 directions de l’espaces sans avoir besoin de règles lasers, de pied à coulisses en titane de carbone ou que John-Glorfax de Plutonium C ne leur souffle les réponses !
D’ailleurs, à chaque fois que cet argument du "saytropressi" resurgit, leurs auteurs semblent totalement zapper l’existence de monuments comme l’Acropole d’Athènes ou le Colysée (extrêmement trop précis lui aussi). Même si ces monuments sont plus "récents", ils sont aussi plus documentés et on sait donc qu’à ces époques non plus ils ne disposaient pas de technologies magiques de mesure futuristes, ni rien de véritablement extraordinaire ou hors de portée du peuple Egyptien et pourtant, ils ont réussi à se sortir les doigts ! En quoi les Egyptiens seraient plus cons que les autres ? Nos ancêtres, quels qu’ils soient, on toujours fait du mieux qu’il pouvaient avec les moyens dont ils disposaient mais, à en croire les auteurs de ce genre de daubecumentaire, les Egyptiens étaient tellement neuneu que si personne ne leur avait soufflé comme respirer, ils seraient surement tous mort asphyxiés ! C’est tellement insultant sur tellement de niveaux que ça me donne envie de crier des mots que la morale réprouve comme pénis !
Tout ça pour dire que, même si tous les tenants et aboutissants des outils de mesure utilisés par les égyptiens ne sont pas connus dans leurs moindres détails (les archéologues en connaissent quand même de plus en plus), le simple fait que d’autres monuments guère plus vieux ont pu être réalisés aussi précisément avec des outils qui n’ont rien de révolutionnaires permet de dire qu’il ne faut pas confondre "Ne pas comprendre exactement comment ils s’y sont pris" avec "c’est physiquement impossible avec les objets à leur disposition !!" ce qui est complètement erroné et implique un faux dilemme menant à une conclusion biaisée à base de civilisations suravancées et de popopopopop.
Oh, et concernant le passage sur les "pots de pierre trop précis tavu", les égyptiens utilisaient une technique vaguement similaire à la céramique, ils ne les taillaient pas les tricheurs
- C’est trop résistant, gneu compren pa !! : Le documentaire explique que "franchement, c’est quand même drôlement incroyable que la Pyramide de Gizeh ait résisté à plusieurs tremblements de terre alors que le Caire a prit grave cher. Comment les égyptiens ont-ils fait sans connaissance de nos techniques antisismiques modernes ??"
Les techniques antisismiques moderne ? Wouah ! C’était vraiment nécessaire de parler de "techniques antisismiques moderne" ? Aussi incroyable que cela puisse paraître, les pyramides ont des formes PYRAMIDALES (ne tombez pas de votre siège tout de suite), or, la forme pyramidale est la forme la plus simple permettant de construire de lourds bâtiments tout en hauteur sans structure en acier, ce que n’importe qui peut constater en empilant 4 caillasses ! Et d’ailleurs, les égyptiens n’ont pas constaté cette stabilité tout de suite puisqu’ils ont foiré certaines de leurs pyramides en leur donnant des angles trop aigus (la pyramide à double pente), mais j’imagine que les Atlantes voulaient se foutre un peu de leur mouille avant d’attaquer leurs grands travaux ?!! Coïncidence, cette forme résiste très bien aux tremblements de terre !! Oui, je sais, une structure lourde et stable qui résiste bien aux tremblements de terre, omondieu , ça implique forcément une connaissance presciente de normes antisismiques !!!
Sincèrement, balancer que les Egyptiens avaient connaissance de normes antismiques alors que leur préoccupation première était de jouer à celui qui avait la plus grosse et que le moyen le plus simple d’y parvenir est la forme pyramidale, c’est un raccourci de raisonnement débile pour faire du sensationnel. Sans oublier qu’il est facile de raisonner sur les bâtiments encore debout et oublier un paquet d’autres monuments égyptiens majestueux qui se sont un peu cassé la gueule lorsque ça secouait trop. Ouaip, c’est un peu comme si j’affirmais "nan mais à l’époque de mon arrière grand père ils connaissaient l’invincibilité !! Bah ouais, j’ai un ancêtre qui a survécu à la 1ère guerre mondiale alors c’est obligé !!" - C’est trop court, gneu compren pa !! : Dans un nouvel exemple domission, le documentaire s’extasie à grands cris sur la difficulté de construire la grande pyramide en seulement 20 ans, même qu’ils pondent plein de chiffres pour faire super sérieux :
Là, les auteurs de cette bouse aimeraient bien que leurs spectateurs pensent "omagad !! 2 minutes 30 par bloc !! Ca nécessite forcément des découpe à la scie circulaire et des téléportations du fioutioure !! Spa possible autrement !!" sauf que ce calcul n’a de sens que si le chantier ne compte qu’UN SEUL clampin et donc si c’était un chantier de la DDE vu que leur quota est d’un gars qui bosse, le reste maintien la stabilité du camion en s’appuyant dessus /troll ou si plusieurs ouvriers ne travaillent qu’un bloc à la fois !! Dès l’instant où l’on augmente la main d’œuvre (il y avait entre 50 000 et 100 000 ouvriers selon les estimations) et que l’on arrête de prendre les Egyptiens pour de gros demeurés incapables de paralléliser des tâches en bossant sur plusieurs blocs à la fois, ça devient nettement moins aberrant !! Sincèrement, à ce compte là moi aussi je peux sortir des mystères du néant ! Par exemple, le brossage de cheveux est une énigme pour nous tous car, selon mes calculs :
J’aime les maths, on leur fait dire ce que l’on veut :’) ! Je passerai aussi sur le coup des 12h de travail, il me semble que les ouvriers Egyptiens bossaient en 3/8 mais je n’ai pas de certitude. Bien sûr, le documentaire tente de noyer le poisson en sortant des comparaisons bidons de chantiers moins imposants (ou quasiment aussi imposants) ayant demandé plus de temps avec notre belle technologie moderne alors qu’ils auraient pu comparer, de façon plus pertinente et "sans préjugé gnagnagna", la pyramide à d’autres grands chantiers réalisés sans outils modernes comme :
- Le Colysée : 10 ans
- Le Pont du Gar : 5 ans, 11 millions de bloc de pierres, 50 000 tonnes
- L’acropole d’Athène et tous ses temples : 18 ans
Fuck yeah ! La magie alien est partout !!
Dernier détail d’importance, les Egyptiens ont construit de nombreuses pyramides et ils ont fait pas mal d’essais et d’erreurs (notamment la pyramide à double pente qui leur a permit de constater qu’avoir un angle trop aigu c’est cacapaglop) avant de s’attaquer à la grande pyramide de Gizeh (qui n’est même pas la dernière). Hémiounou (ce n’est pas un pokémon mais l’architecte de la grande pyramide) ne s’est pas juste levé un jour en se disant :
Donc, même s’il y a 20 ans de travaux effectifs, il ne faut pas oublier les centaines d’années de gain d’expérience sur d’autres projets qui ont permit d’affiner les techniques tel du bon gros fromage architectural ! - C’est trop dur, gneu compren pa !! : C’est ce que j’aimerais que les femmes disent en parlant de… de mes biceps !! Le documentaire lui en parle pour dire que, quand même ma bonne dame, tailler des blocs de granit avec des outils rudimentaires spa possible, exemple à l’appui :
Bien sûr, vous commencez à connaitre la rengaine, cette pitoyable mise en scène (la personne frappe aussi mollement que physiquement possible) n’est là que pour exagerer une réalité connue depuis longtemps. Oui, il est tout à fait possible de découper et polir du granit (et encore plus facile quand c’est du calcaire même si le calcaire n’a pas droit de citer dans cette daube !!!!1) avec des outils rudimentaires tels que des pierres de frappe en Diorite (une pierre dure), du sable pour l’abrasion et des outils de cuivre. Cela a été testé et les archéologues ont la preuve de leur utilisation avec l’obélisque inachevé montrant un bloc de granit au beau milieu de son processus de taille.
"Mouhahahahah pauvre naïf ! Ca n’explique pas les marques de scie clairement visibles sur certains blocs de granit, voir les trous lisses !! T’a déjà essayé de scier un arbre en le lapidant ???!!"
Absolument pas !! Ce n’était pas moi mais je le ferai plus !! Ahah, hum *tousse* ! Les marques de scie donc ! Là non plus, pas besoin de protolaser Gluxgon ou de Scies diamantée Atlante pour y arriver. Le sable est une matière extrêmement dure et abrasive. Comme en plus elle est disponible par pelletée de douze à Gizeh, les Egyptiens l’utilisaient en combo avec des scies lisses en cuivre (ou des fils de cuivre) afin d’abraser le granit comme du papier de verre. Là encore ça a été testé, c’est très efficace et il est difficile d’ignorer que les Egyptiens eux-même ont représenté ces outils dans leurs dessins, dessins qui, dois-je le rappeler, sont d’un niveau qui peut valoir un redoublement en maternelle !!1 SCANDALEUX, APPLIQUEZ VOUS §§
Le seul soucis avec ces outils c’est que le cuivre s’use vite au contact du sable et c’est pourquoi ce genre d’opération était réservée pour les projets royaux en priorité. Comme quoi, quel que soit l’époque, ils font bien scier ces riches !!
J’ai volontairement oublié une prouesse dans ma liste parce que ce point sera une balle tirée dans le pied du daubecumentaire plus tard. Il s’agit de la concavité des faces de la grande pyramide (que j’aurais classé dans la catégorie "stro précis !!"). En réalité, la base de la pyramide n’est pas un carré parfait, déjà parce que ses longueurs varient (fuck yeah precision alien) mais également parce que la face interne est en retrait de 94cm environ. Du coup, la narratrice s’ébahit du fait que ce renfoncement, qui n’est visible à l’œil nu que lors des Equinoxes, prouve que les Egyptiens ont construit cela volontairement pour marquer des cycles du soleil.
Ce à quoi j’ai envie de répondre : Et alors !! En quoi est ce incroyable sachant que la pyramide est orientée au nord ?! Ca revient à s’extasier d’une boussole deux fois, une fois parce que "franchement, la pointe nord pointe au nord, c’est unbeliveubeul !!" et une seconde fois parce que "OMAGAD, la pointe sud pointe au sud ! Une coïncidence OK ! MAIS DEUX C’EST AU DELA DU PROBABLE §§". Là où le coup des équinoxes est encore plus drôle c’est que les restes de revêtement extérieur de la grande pyramide (la belle couche blanche qui la recouvrait à l’époque des pharaons) ne portent pas ce creusement des faces et d’ailleurs le revêtement d’aucune autre pyramide, même les mieux conservées (tout est relatif) ne présentent pas de concavité. Mais ça, le daubecumentaire s’en cague puisqu’il balaie ces considérations d’un revers de main en affirmant que "Oui mais les blocs de parement de la grande pyramide ont été déplacés alors ça compte pas nananananèreuh !! La preuve, regardez ! Si on projette l’angle des blocs de parement survivants, on cogne la façade de la pyramide" suivi de cette photo :
ON NE RAISONNE PAS EN 3D AVEC UNE PHOTO 2D ORIENTEE DE TRAVIOLE §§§ CA N’A PAS DE SENS !! En plus c’est complètement faux, regardez, il suffit que je fasse ça :
Boum ! Preuve bidon, ça ne percute pas !
Mais soit, ok, je suis prêt à admettre que le parement indiquait lui aussi les équinoxes et que tout celà est la volonté des architectes, après tout, ça ne demande pas d’effort plus terrible que ça pour des bâtisseurs qui savent aligner des blocs en ligne droite. En tout cas, gardez bien cette particularité géométrique de la grande Pyramide à l’esprit, ça resservira plus tard ;)
Les experts de la loseComme l’exige une enquête de 10 ans sans a priori, ce daubecumentaire interroge beaucoup d’experts hors de leur champs de compétence. Ainsi, au lieu de demander à des mecs ayant étudié et testé les outils égyptiens comme ceux que j’ai linké plus haut, ils préfèrent parler à des ingénieurs structure parce que, c’est bien connu, si j’ai besoin de conseils sur la chasse à l’arc, je vais aller interroger un pilote de char d’assaut !! Après tout, un char c’est plus puissant qu’un arc alors il doit connaitre !!!11
Cela donne lieu à deux grands moments d’idiotie, mais attention, on rit mais on ne se moque pas, j’ai trop de respect pour l’expertitude !!
- Chris Dunn, ingénieur ayant vaguement un rapport avec les avions, passe plusieurs minutes à expliquer qu’une statue de Ramsès (parmi tant d’autre et sans rapport avec la pyramide), présente des symétries troublantes la rendant "trop parfaite gneu compren pas !". Pour le prouver, il s’amuse à superposer les deux faces de cette image pour montrer qu’elles coïncident parfaitement :
Sauf que c’est du bullshit !! En retentant l’expérience moi-même et en soulignant une des mâchoire sur laquelle insiste beaucoup Dunn dans la suite de cette daube, j’obtiens ça :
Ca alors !! La statue n’est donc pas si "parfaitement symétrique qu’on dirait quelle a été sculptée par Djézus" !! Quel choc. Mais le plus beau arrive juste après lorsque Dunn, montrant un des profil de la statue, raconte que l’on retrouve plein de cercles parfaits de même diamètre dans sa composition :
Et c’est à cette instant que la stupidité monte le volume à 11 avec ce cher Chris qui commente :
Exactement, mais quel est cet incroyable outil magique qui permet de tracer des cercles identiques parfaits ??! A part un nano laser triphasé, du gloudronium à polarité inversée, je ne vois vraiment pas !
La la la la la je ne vois rien !!
Au-delà des œillères de ce cher expert, cet argument du "c’est trop précis, je saurais pas faire" revient à matter le plafond de la chapelle Sixtine peint par je ne sais plus qu’elle tortue ninja, prendre de la peinture, des pinceaux et après 3 minutes de gribouillage déclarer "Nan mais c’est impossible de faire un truc aussi beau avec des outils aussi rudimentaires ! Franchement ils devaient avoir photoshop et des tablettes graphique quoi !!". Rien ne remplace la maîtrise de l’artisan.
- Chris Wise , ingénieur structure, parvient à surpasser la crétinerie de Dunn en une seule et unique déclaration. Alors que le daubecumentaire parle des blocs de pierre utilisés dans de nombreuses constructions anciennes, le brave homme sort :
Normal, les pyramides sont faites en CAILLOUX §§ Ils n’ont rien inventé !!!
Bref les mecs, changez pas, vous êtes géniaux !
Les coïncidences de l’extrême Après s’être ébahi des heures sur l’incroyablitude de la grande Pyramide et débunké les fameux hiéroglyphes plein d’hélicoptères Apache pour se donner un semblant de crédibilité (qui sera détruite peu de temps après quand ils balanceront, sans explication, le fameux bas relief supposé représenter une ampoule électrique), le daubecumentaire passe en mode full retard en abordant d’autres sites "mystiques" de par le monde.
Et là, j’aime autant vous dire que c’est festival d’ignorance et de raccourcis en bois. Tout y passe :
- Franchement c tro ressamblan, lol : La raison invoquée par le daubecumentaire pour justifier ce passage en revue de lieux mythiques comme l’ile de Pâque, Nazca et consort tient dans ces pauvres photos :
- La datation, ça marche pas : La narratrice explique ensuite qu’"on ne sait pas dater le moment où une pierre a été taillée car le carbone 14 mesure l’âge de la pierre et pas celui ou elle a été travaillée", ce qui, en soit, est vrai. Bien sûr, ce quelle oublie de préciser c’est que les archéologues ont plein d’autres moyens de datation à leur disposition comme le pollen, les restes organiques retrouvés non loin des monuments voir, en recoupant divers textes ! Le carbone 14 n’est qu’un outil parmi tant d’autres. Mais bon, on est plus à un bullshit prêt.
Bien sûr, si ce daubecumentaire sort cet argument c’est simplement pour que l’on ne regarde pas de trop près un fait qui colle un grand coup dans le postérieur de sa théorie : les sites qu’il considère comme "trooooop similaires parce qu’ils sont pyramidaux et en cailloux", sont éloignés dans l’espace mais également DANS LE TEMPS. Avec les lieux qu’ils ont choisi on à :
- La grande pyramide : Environ – 2700 avant Djézus
- Les lignes de Nazca : Environ -500 ans avant Djézus
- Angkor Vat : 12ème siècle après Djézus
- Les statues de l’ile de paques : entre le 10ème et 12ème siècle après Djézus
En résumé, ils prennent les lieux qu’ils veulent, selon des critères purement arbitraire et douteux et tentent de donner une illusion de "logique" en ignorant leurs dates de construction. Ce genre de raisonnement a un nom, c’est de la fraking pensée circulaire : Les aliens/atlantes ont construit plein de sites similaires de part le monde DONC si on trouve des sites avec des similitudes même supra vagues ALORS les aliens/atlantes ont construit plein de sites similaires de part le monde !! Ouaip, tout de suite ça fait moins "sans a priori ni préjugé ! Enquête du siècle riprizent ! Fuck lé aijiptologue !" - Les géants de l’ile de pâques : Continuons notre voyage vers le stupide avec les fameuses statues Moai. La narratrice, cette grosse candide, s’étonne "Houlalala, les statue Moai avec leur nez aquilin ressemblent pas du tout aux Maoris qui sont supposé les avoir réalisés. Cététranj", ce à quoi je rétorquerais en image :
Doit-on en conclure qu’elles ont été réalisées par une ancienne civilisation d’obèses à gros nichons ???? Et histoire de détruire la dernière bribe de crédibilité de cette séquence, la narratrice ajoute "plusieurs statues Moai contemplent la mer alors que toutes les autres contemplent l’intérieur des terres !! C’est mystérieux et comme dirait un groupe tout pourri issu de la télé réalité : What For ?" alors que, une fois de plus, ce "mystère" a été résolu depuis trouzmilles années. Ces statues ont été orientées de façon erronée par les premiers archéologue les ayant restaurées, tout bêtement ! 10 ans d’enquête et être incapable de vérifier ça ? Je sais pas pour vous mais perso j’appelle ça un "bullshitage" !! - La chandelier de Paracas : Là encore, la narratrice en rajoute des caisses dans la présentation de ce dessin réalisé dans une dune de sable au Pérou. Elle déclare "le chandelier de Paracas est orienté précisément vers le nord". Bien sûr, au vu de la montagne de bullshit accumulé depuis le début, mieux vaut vérifier cette affirmation :
Oups, où est passée la précision légendaire des aliens ?? Ca doit sûrement être l’œuvre de Gloufiox, le fiston pistonné et sévèrement manchot du grand stratéguerre Zlubol. Tout se tient. - Les lignes & Pyramides de Nazca : On enchaine sur un autre grand classique avec les lignes de Nazca. Etonnement, la narratrice nous épargne les geignements sur "lé dessin son tro bô cé alien cé sur !" pour parler des grandes lignes droites parfois très longues qui se trouvent à côté. Lorsqu’un type lui explique qu’une des théorie (et c’est loin d’être la seule) est que ces lignes étaient utilisée pour des processions religieuses, elle sort "Je ne trouve pas ça très convaincant" et… et c’est tout !! On a dû arriver au stade ou le daubecumentaire ne fait même plus semblant d’essayer, les contre-arguments étayés c’est bon pour ces égyptologues mangeurs d’enfant de toute façon, fuck le systeum ! En plus c’est vrai quoi, c’est tellement incroyable de penser que les Nazca aient pu tracer des lignes pour des motifs religieux ! Après tout, ce ne sont pas des raisons religieuses qui ont poussé des peuples entiers à bâtir des trucs gigantesques comme les temples Inca ou des Cathédrales, ça se saurait !! Clairement, ces folles élucubrations ne font pas le poids face à la théorie des aliens/atlantes !!!
Pour finir, la narratrice mentionne l’existence de pyramides et de momies Nazca histoire de laisser sous entendre que "saytro pareil qu’en égypte". Ce qu’elle oublie de montrer c’est comment sont fabriquées ces "pyramides Nazca". Sinon, on pourrait se rendre compte que leurs murs n’ont rien à voir avec les autres murs troooooop similaire de part le monde.
Bref, une fois encore, on choisit ce qui nous arrange et on ignore les données discordantes. Ouaip, on peut le dire, ca sent la rigueur scientifique, du moins si la rigueur scientifique est morte et en état de décomposition avancée dans une décharge publique !!! - Plus c’est vieux plus c’est gros et précis : Coup de grâce de toute cette séquence, le daubecumentaire martèle soudainement :
Sauf que cette conclusion est totalement aberrante ! Ils balancent, 10 minutes avant, que l’on ne peut pas dater les sites archéologiques mais ils sont soudainement capables, eux, de faire une chronologie ??!! Vous ne pouvez pas avoir le beurre et l’argent du beurre à moins d’être une fracking crémière qui fait bosser 200 chinois dans sa cave !!
Mais à la limite, admettons que l’on puisse dater les sites archéologiques (indice : on peut), cette théorie ne fonctionne pas pour les statues Moai dont les plus récentes sont justement les plus grosses ! Et même en excluant les Moai, bâtir des bâtiments toujours aussi solides avec des pierres plus petites ça va justement dans le sens du progrès ! C’est d’ailleurs pour ça que les Cathédrales sont, en un sens, plus avancées car elles utilisent un minimum de pierre pour affiner leur silhouette tout en conservant une solidité identique à un gros mur. Perso, si on me demandait de construire une maison, je préfèrerais doubler la taille de tous les murs pour être sûr, l’expert, lui utilise juste ce qu’il faut.
Et plus précises ? A part une affirmation péremptoire du daubecumentaire qui s’est avéré tout sauf fiable jusque là, rien ne le prouve et la précision apparente des jointures (ce qui est loin d’être flagrant sans mesure) peut aussi venir du fait que justement, des grosses pierres s’écrasent plus les unes contre les autres !! Mais bon, les explications rationnelles, c’est has been.
Omondieu !! Des gens ont posé des pierres de petites dimensions au milieu de pierres de grosses dimensions ?! Mais c’est totalement impossible !!! Quand on pense qu’il existe des milliards de façons d’assembler une petite pierre au milieu de grosses pierres c’est incroyable !! D’ailleurs, j’ai vérifié, le mur de pierre de la maison de mon grand père a aussi ce genre de choses !! Mon vieux était un alien, je le savais, sa façon de trembler en bavant n’était pas naturelle !!
Histoire de s’enfoncer encore plus dans la nullité, la narratrice précise également que "c’est quand même bizarre que toutes ces civilisations supra éloignées aient toutes décidé de construire des pyramides". Non, ce n’est pas bizarre. Les pyramides sont la forme la plus simple (voir la seule forme) permettant de construire de hauts édifices avec de lourdes pierres et, comme la physique ne change pas par magie autour de la planète, logique que plusieurs peuples aient abouti à la même conclusion en empilant 4 cailloux ! Mais bon, des gens différents qui construisent de hauts bâtiments de pierre de la seule façon physiquement possible, ça doit être alien !! Pour ne rien gâcher, si ces pyramides sont l’œuvre d’une seule civilisation/aliens, c’est franchement sympa de leur part d’adapter le style local à chaque fois (en même temps ils le font pour le design de leurs vaisseaux spatiaux donc bon) :
Et puis tiens, poussons la théorie plus loin. Moi aussi j’ose casser le dogme de l’égyptomafia :
Ca marche aussi avec les maisons ou les immeubles, qui sont, et je doute que la coïncidence soit fortuite, parallélépipédiques ! Aurais-je mis la main sur une vérité qui va changer le monde ?? A dans 10 ans pour le découvrir !!
Bref, tout cela n’est qu’un nième gloubiboulga sans queue ni tête qui tient par la seule force des petits bras rachitiques d’un empilement de bullshit à géométrie variable et de pensée circulaire ! Qui l’eut cru venant d’un documentaire persuadé qu’à l’époque des Pyramides, c’était encore la guerre du feu ?!
Mais au fait, vous devez vous demander où ils veulent en venir avec toutes ces similitudes sorties du chapeau ? Il va falloir patienter un peu pour le découvrir puisqu’avant, on retourne à la grand pyramide pour une séance de
La numérologie pour les nulsLes chiffres, ça ne peut pas mentir n’est-ce pas ?? Faux !
On peut leur faire dire strictement n’importe quoi et les auteurs de ce daubecumentaire vont vous le prouver avec :
- Le chiffre Pi : La narratrice, toujours prête à s’extasier pour un rien, balance "Mon informateur, dont je tais l’identité parce qu’on assume pas, me fait remarquer que l’on retrouve le chiffre Pi dans la pyramide en divisant son demi périmètre (440 coudées x2) par sa hauteur (280 coudées), ça veut dire que les Egyptiens connaissaient cette valeur !" NON ! Cela veut juste dire que Pi se retrouve dans la pyramide, rien de plus, faut arrêter de sauter aux conclusions ! Et non, cela n’a rien d’extraordinaire du tout puisque selon des Egyptologues (qui mentent, rappelons le), les Egyptiens utilisaient très probablement des cylindres de diamètre 1 coudée royale (environ 0.5236 mètre) qu’ils faisaient rouler un certain nombre de fois. Pi apparait donc naturellement à cause de ces techniques de mesure et non pas suite à un effort conscient. Prétendre le contraire revient à avoir ce genre de raisonnement :
Détail rigolo, vous vous souvenez de l’insistance de cette bouse sur le fait que le revêtement extérieur de la grande pyramide a été déplacé ? Dommage, les calculs de hauteur de la pyramide ont été évalués en utilisant ce revêtement, si on prend en compte le décalage dans le calcul, cela modifie la hauteur de la pyramide de plusieurs centimètres ce qui pourrit la précision de Pi. Et une balle dans le pied, une !! - Le nombre d’or : Sachant que l’on peut trouver le nombre d’or partout, même dans les dimensions du postérieur d’une mouche, je ne vous cache pas que je ne suis pas tombé de ma chaise en entendant "Et ce n’est pas tout, si on divise la surface des faces par la surface de la base, on trouve le nombre d’or (Phi) !!". Pour faire passer ce calcul pour un truc incroyable, l’informateur secret balance :
Vous voulez une preuve que cest faux ?? Sur cette page, un brave gens à calculé la présence de Pi et Phi dans une série de pyramides dont il changeait uniquement la pente, et chacune d’entre elle contient Pi ou Phi et 4 d’entre elles contiennent même les deux !! Probabilité nulle mes fesses, seuls les auteurs de telles énormités le sont !! - Les Egyptiens connaissaient le mètre : Probablement le plus gros bullshit de cette nazerie. La démonstration en mousse se passe en deux étape. La première consiste à dire que le Pyramidion (aka : pointe d’une pyramide) retrouvé aux abords de la pyramide rouge avait une hauteur de 1 mètre très précisément, ce qui prouverait que les Egyptiens connaissaient cette unité de mesure choisie ARBITRAIREMENT lors de la révolution française. Seems Legit.
Sauf qu’il y a un léger problème, mis à part le fait que retrouver un objet égyptien parmi des milliers dont une de ses dimension est 1 mètre n’a rien d’extraordinaire probabilistiquement parlant : le découvreur de ce pyramidion, Staddelman, écrit lui-même dans son bouquin "Die ägyptischen Pyramiden" en allemand qui sent bon la saucisse de la bouche, que le pyramidion qu’il a retrouvé mesure 1m57 de côté et avait un angle légèrement supérieur à 45° ce qui donne une haute de 78,5cm et non 1 mètre ! D’autres estimations parlent d’angles plus important mais quel que soit la vauleur retrouvée dans divers ouvrage, on ne tombe jamais sur 1 mètre. Oh, quel dommage. Ca doit bien se trouver quelque part mais en l'etat dur d'etre sur. Le daubecumentaire tente de donner le change en jouant la carte du complot. Ce pyramidion a été restauré en 2005 et, selon la narratrice, la nouvelle version n’a plus la même hauteur, c’est donc forcément les égyptologues franc-maçon du FBI qui ont limé le haut pour que la vérité ne soit pas découverte !!
Deuxième étape, le calcul bidon ! Vous vous souvenez du nombre Pi dans la pyramide ? Et bien, pour prouver que les Egyptiens connaissaient le mètre grâce à leur vision du futur, on a droit à la démonstration suivante :
"Si on trace un cercle de diamètre 1 mètre, son périmètre est égale à p en mètres. Or, si on divise p par 6 on obtient 0.5236 mètres soit la valeur de la coudée royale Egyptienne en mètres. CQFD" (CQFD signifiant ici : Connerie Qui Frôle la Débilité).
Bravo, vous venez d’assister à un raisonnement circulaire digne des plus beaux arguments créationnistes mais, comme c’est plein de chiffres, ça passe. Pourquoi circulaire ? Parce que pour que la démonstration fonctionne ils sont OBLIGES de poser comme point de départ le mètre ! Ca revient à partir de la conclusion pour revenir à la conclusion. La vraie démonstration devrait être :
" Si on trace un cercle de diamètre 1 coudée royale, son périmètre est égal à p coudées royales. Or, si on divise p coudées royales par 6 on obtient 0.5236 coudées royales ce qui ne correspond à rien du tout de pertinent en mètre !!"
Il n’y a donc aucun lien entre le mètre et la coudée royale égyptienne à moins de partir de la conclusion. Du coup, et ça ne surprendra que les créateurs de cette bouse, non, les Egyptiens n’avaient pas de pouvoir magique de préscience leur permettant de deviner qu’un jour, presque 4500 ans dans le futur, des révolutionnaires, entre deux décapitations de nobles, choisiraient arbitrairement le mètre comme une fraction d’un hémisphère terrestre ! Quelle surprise ! - La vitesse de la lumière : Coup de grâce de ces démonstrations mathématiques en carton, la narratrice sort "Si on ajoute le périmètre du cercle externe de la base de la pyramide (en mètres !) et le périmètre du cercle tangent à la base, on obtient 299,79613 Millions de m/s soit approximativement la vitesse la lumière !!!!!!!". Au-delà du fait que les Egyptiens ne connaissaient ni le mètre, ni la seconde (qui est là encore une unité définie arbitrairement), les calculs "a posteriori" n’ont strictement aucune valeur ! En triturant suffisamment les dimensions d’un objet (surtout qu’ici il s’agit de truc super pas intuitifs comme des cercles inscrits) on peut obtenir absolument n’importe quoi comme le savent très bien tous les petits vieux qui regardent France 2 :
Chercher des résultats a postériori c’est l’équivalent mathématique d’un type qui se casse la truffe par terre et balance "c’est exactement à ces coordonnées que je voulais placer mon nez, ma précision de chute est remarquable !!". Pour bien vous montrer l’absurdité de la démarche, Nablator du forum Ufo sceptique (forum qui poutre) a créé une petite application pour calculer la présence de chiffres remarquables dans n’importe quelle série de chiffre. Appliqué au Big-Mac cela donne :
Mc-Donald a-t-il reçu l’aide des Atlantes ? Et qu’on ne vienne pas me dire "Oui mais là c’est des calories, c’est pas les bonnes unités ça veut rien dire" parce que trouver des mètres par seconde à partir d’un calcul sans aucune valeur temporelle, c’est tout aussi absurde.
Bref, tous ces calculs ne sont qu’une variante chiffresque du fameux "lé pyramid stro un truc de fou donc ALIENS !!". Il est maintenant temps d’aborder la véritable "théorie" que tente de nous faire gober ce truc en la noyant dans une soupe d’approximation et d’omissions. C’est là que le caca se jette dans le ventilo…
Bêtise droit devant !Soudain, le daubecumentaire s’emballe. A grand coup de musique épique, on découvre, via une animation 3D, que "OMAGAD !! REGARDEZ ! PLEIN DE SITES ARCHEOLOGIQUES FABRIQUES EN CAILLOUX SONT SUR UNE LIGNE DROITE AUTOUR DU GLOBE !!"
Incroyable ! Comment ne pas verser une larme devant l’évidence qui crève les yeux ? Pourquoi ces saloupiauds d’égyptologues pédophiles cannibales nazi du canada refusent de voir la vérité ??
Oh, pour plein de raisons. La première c’est que la ligne en question fait plus de 150km de largeur, ce qui est un peu décevant de la part d’aliens qui sont "troooooop préciiiiiiiis". Mais soit, ils avaient peut être un coup dans le pif. Malgré tout, autant de sites remarquables sur une petite bande de terre, ça impressionne… ou pas ! Le soucis c’est que, statistiquement parlant, cela n’a aucun intérêt et n’est pas du tout significatif. Le daubecumentaire a choisi arbitrairement les sites qui lui plait basés sur des approximations incohérentes entre elles (les murs de pierre pas pareils partout, des pyramides avec des styles diamétralement opposés, des sites espacés de 4000 ans les uns des autres, etc…) et ils en oublient des tonnes et des tonnes qui rentrent eux aussi dans leurs critères comme le fracking Colysée, Stonehenge, Teotihuacan, la cité interdite, la Mecque, Puma Pumku etc etc. Je pourrais allonger la liste indéfiniment !! Tracer une ligne et y retrouver des monuments de nos ancêtres, surtout quand les critères sont si laxistes, n’a rien de fascinant ni pertinent !!
Si je trace une ligne entre des toilettes publiques de grandes villes, c’est un message atlante ou juste de la chiasse ?
Sentant que la stupidité de son raisonnement est trop visible, le daubecumentaire balance plein de chiffres. On assiste alors a ça :
La narratrice précise : "OMAGAD, regardez ! La distance Gizeh/Nazca = la distance Gizeh/Teotihucan ! La distance Angkor/Nazca = Mohenjo-daro/ile de Pâques ! La distance Gizeh/Ile de Pâques = 10000 * Nombre d’or ! La distance Gizeh/Angkor x Nombre d’or = Distance Gizeh/Nazca ! La distance Gizeh/Nazca x Nombre d’or = Angkor – Nazca !!"
Présenté comme ça, en cascade, ça fait super convaincant… dommage que ces résultats soient une fois de plus statistiquement bidons !! Pourquoi choisir ces 6 lieux et pas d’autres présentés précédemment ? Désolé de faire mon pisse-froid mais ce que cette bousasse oublie de dire c’est qu’avec 6 lieux on a 15 distances. On peut grouper ces 15 distances 2 par 2 de 105 façons différentes, du coup, trouver 5 distances proches parmi 105, c’est ridicule. Et encore, si on ajoute la possibilité de faire des multiplications avec Pi et Phi (ce qu’ils font), le nombre de possibilités parmi lesquels piocher explose (45 distances donnant 1035 relations) !! Et ça, uniquement avec les 6 lieux qu’ils ont choisis arbitrairement, je vous laisse imaginer ce qu’ils se passerait en incluant TOUS les sites dont ils ont parlé depuis le début. L’illusion statistique, c’est le mal !
Mais au fait, a quoi elle sert cette ligne ?
L’horloge de la lose !Le calvaire est presque fini. Le daubecumentaire, déja bancal, vient de péter son dernier boulon. Il explique qu’en fait, cette ligne qui fait un angle de 30% avec notre équateur est centrée sur le centre magnétique de la terre. Le centre magnétique ? Je…
J’ai déja vu des fails mais des fails de cette ampleur c’est magnifique. Sur la liste de lieux censés être alignés, seul 3 sont sur le centre magnétique (qui n’est pas une ligne) et la grande pyramide n’en fait pas partie !! Bien joué, 10 ans d’enquête pour se dauber a 2m du bol de sangria, il y a de quoi rajouter un barreau a l’echelle de Richter de la lose.
Mais soit, admettons que la ligne marque le pôle magnétique alors que pas du tout, mouhahahahaha, qu’est ce que c’est censé signifier ? Facile ! Il s’agit d’un message d’une race/civilisation avancée pour nous prévenir que la fin du monde aura lieu lorsque les pôles magnétiques s’inverseront !
Les mots me manquent pour exprimer la stupidité de cette théorie. Des aliens/civilisation avancée se seraient amusés a construire (ou aider a construire) trouzmille bâtiments simplement pour dire au générations futures "vous allez crever, lol" ? Wah, quel bande de glands, cette énergie aurait été mieux dépensée a aider nos ancêtres a guérir de la peste du choléra bubonique ou arrêter les famines!! Et comment expliquer, si cette civilisation a aidé d’autres peuples, qu’aucun n’ait décidé d’eriger un monument en leur honneur ou juste un simple mot non ambigüe au sommet d’une pyramide pour les remercier ?
Et pourquoi un message de fin du monde si tordu a coup de chiffres bidons et d’alignements en carton s’il est si importantque les générations futures le comprennent ?? Le daubecumentaire tente de justifier ça en comparant leur théorie avec le message de la sonde Pioneer (qui est déja bien ridicule) mais l’analogie est totalement foireuse !! Le message de la sonde Pioneer est écrit sur une plaque bien mise en évidence, il n’est pas dissimulé dans la longueur de ses antennes ou la températures de ses tuyères qu’il faut multiplier par Pi ! Ca n’a rien a voir avec cette théorie apocalyptique de daube !!
Et comment est on censé savoir combien de temps il nous reste avant de canner ?? Le daubecumentaire ne l’explique pas clairement (Pour le fun, la première version du documentaire indiquait le 21 décembre 2012, oups !) mais il semblerait que la pyramide de Gizeh serve d’horloge dont l’aiguille serait le Sphinx.
Pourquoi ? Je n’en sais fichtre rien vu que la suite de cette bouse se vautre dans le gloubiboulga a coup de constructions géométriques ridicules qui ne veulent rien dire du style des triangles dont seul 2 sommets sur 3 coïncident avec un truc pertinent :
Cette construction over-compliquée pour rien, en plus detre stupide, n’existe que pour cacher le fait que la seule raison pour laquelle le Sphinx est considéré comme l’aiguille de leur horloge cosmique, c’est parce qu’il est a 90° de la grande pyramide. Youpidoudidou, puissant ! Mais bon, j’imagine que mettre un simple pauvre angle droit ça ne faisait pas assez pro. D’ailleurs, la grande pyramide ne sert plus a rien dans cette histoire d’horloge, il n’y aurait que le Shpinx ça marcherait tout aussi
D’ailleurs, vous noterez qu’en astrodébilologie, le scorpion est symbolisé par un homard, on en apprend tous les jours :
Et c’est tout. Le daubecumentaire s’arrête sur quelques images d’apocalypse est les geignements de la narratrice "notre message ne sera peut être pas comprit et les détracteurs le décortiquerons pour en dénaturer le sens" parce que c’est clair, être contredit quand on a faux sur toute la ligne c’est la preuve qu’au fond on a raison !
Pour finir, j’aimerais noter un passage bien stupide qui m’a beaucoup fait rire. En voici le transcript :
Quoi !! Des gens désignent deux choses identiques avec le même mot (coeur du sphynx qui a un corps de lion & coeur de la constellation du lion) !! IT MUST BE MAGIC §§ Prochainement, nous découvrirons quels mystères se cachent derrière le fait que chaque poulet en France est appelé poulet! Coïncidence ?? Je vous laisse juger "sans a priori ni préjugés" !
ConclusionionageCe "documentaire" est une véritable honte. 1h50 de bullshits, d’anomalies statistiques érigées au rang de mathématiques légitimes, d’idées vues et revues des centaines de fois il n’y a rien a en sauver. Ajoutez a ça une rhétorique digne des pires créationnistes (aka : les théories c’est rien que des théories, la datation ça marche pô, etc…) et vous obtenez un parfait mix dinculture remis au goût du jour dans un bel emballage !
Notage :
(-π/10)
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- Par | mardi 26 février 2013 | 20:14
- Commentaires625 commentaires CatégorieBest-Of Mots-clésGneu compren pô donc aliens, Inculture, Pyramides
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Je suis complètement d’accord sur ce sujet, les
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