The Secret (The Tall Man), la critique pourrie
Aujourd’hui, je vais vous parler du cycle de reproduction de l’Ornithorynque durant la révolution industrielle du Pérou des années 30.
S’il est un fait indéniable concernant ce noble animal, c’est que sa sale tronche semble avoir été dessinée de la main gauche. Tour à tour canard, marmotte et loutre consanguine, son allure de pokémon avorté rend sa reproduction très difficile. Cette difficulté est exacerbée par la superficialité légendaire des femelles ornithorynques qui, entre deux photos avec une grosse duckface du plus mauvais goût, préfèrent coucher avec des cygnes sous prétexte que eux font de la muscu et qu’ils ont des bagnoles tunées faisant WUBWUBWUB à 113.2 dB !!1 Les grosses biatch quoi !!1
Mouhahahahahaha je déconne, en fait tout le début de cet article est un rêve ! En vrai, le cygne est le père de l’ornithorynque venu du futur lui annoncer que c’est une fille et que contrairement à ce qu’il pense ils sont sur la terre depuis le départ et aussi qu’il a un dédoublement de personnalité et c’est lui le tueur mais ce n’est pas sa faute vu qu’il est dans la matrice !!
Quel twist incroyable et jamais vu !! Je suis sûr que, comme pour le film "The Secret", vous n’aviez pas été aussi bluffé depuis 6ème sens !!
Sérieusement, je ne sais pas qui est à l’origine de cette affiche mais ça doit être l’imbécile le plus heureux de la terre. Dire que le twist de "The Secret" est bluffant c’est à peu près aussi mensonger et stupide que dire :
Surtout à la fin, quand les Nazis perdent.
Franchement, comme le prouve le début de cet article, faire un twist inattendu est à la portée du premier blogueur avec un pseudonyme de clochard venu, là ou ça devient compliqué c’est lorsqu’il faut le rendre cohérent et sur ce point, "The Secret" se plante tellement qu’il pourrait faire passer Fenêtres 98 pour un modèle de stabilité !!
Je sais, vous allez me dire "Oh ça va espèce d’accident de la route, c’est qu’un film merdique de plus, tu survivras " ce à quoi je répondrais que non, c’est entièrement naturel, je suis comme ça depuis la naissance et surtout que le twist en mousse est, hélas, loin d’être ce qui craint le plus du boudin dans ce navet. En fait, j’irais jusqu’à classer ce film parmi les œuvres les plus pourries que j’ai jamais vu au cours de ma misérable existence en précisant même que le qualifier de pourri est une insulte aux champignons. Oui, j’ai subit une ablation de la pondération étant petit, pourquoi ?
"Mais stop la diarrhée verbale espèce de sale aigri ! Enfourne toi une dragée Fuca dans le vide ordure qui te fait office de bouche et EXPLIQUE §§§§".
Puisque c’est demandé si gentiment, en avant !
The Secret, la critique pourrieThe Secret est un film franco-canado-américain écrit et réalisé par Pascal Laugier, un français qui s’est fait connaître grâce au film "Martyrs", un film d’horreur mimi-cracra conçu spécialement pour faire vomir les chocapics des spectateurs. Chez nos amis mangeurs de hamburger, "The Secret" est sorti directement en Video-On-Demand il y a de cela quelques mois et croyez moi, là-bas, être jugé digne d’apparaître aux côtés de chefs d’œuvre comme "Shark Piranha 3D From Outter Space", "Indiana John And The Magical Frigo" et autres "Megadinosaurs Nazi 2" est gage de qualité !
Si ce n’était pour sa glorieuse aventure Américaine, le marketing en mousse du film aurait dû me mettre sur la piste du coup fumant. En plus des superlatifs à base de "OMAGAD BAST FLIM EVAR DEPUIS 6EME SENS §§", les responsables de la sortie française ont jugé nécessaire de traduire le titre original du film "The Tall man" par "The Secret". Ouaip, traduire de l’anglais par de l’anglais, un concept aussi indispensable que les sacs poubelles pré remplis, il faut absolument le généraliser !!
Starring Luke FootingOntheStratosphere
Mais ce n’est pas tout, histoire de bien faire comprendre à quel point ce film va nous déchirer les neurones de la tête tellement le twist est über génial, les marketeux ont insisté lourdement sur le fait que Pascal Laugier a mis 7 ans pour concevoir son scénario parce que tout le monde sait que plus c’est long plus c’est bon. Malheureusement, passer autant de temps sur une telle nazerie c’est un peu comme mettre 15 ans à monter un meuble IKEA (l’armoire Strùbîlythouf) et faire un communiqué de presse annonçant fièrement au monde qu’on a fini les tiroirs !! C’est cool, on peut ranger ses slips, mais il n’y a franchement pas de quoi faire une hémorragie interne d’admiration.
Bon, ce n’est pas tout, je bave je bave mais il faudrait qu’on attaque le cœur du sujet avant que je crache des sels minéraux. The Secret, donc, raconte l’histoire d’une jeune, jolie et gentille infirmière (incarnée par Jessica Villebrequin, ou Bielle, je ne sais plus) dans un village paumé des États-Unis qui périclite depuis la fermeture de la mine, seul employeur du secteur. En plus d’être atteinte du pire mal possible, le chôôôômage, cette ville est la proie d’une série de kidnappings d’enfants, 18 au total. L’auteur semble être une mystérieuse figure encapuchonnée surnommée "The Tall Man" (ou en traduction marketeux "The VeryGrandMan") par les habitants. Mais qu’elle est donc la baise qui est en train de se passer ?
Et bien, c’est ce que nous allons voir ! Laissez moi vous spoiler la première moitié du film, avant l’arrivée du gros twist D4 0UF §§
La première moitié du film : Le pré-twist
Le film suit les pas de Jessica Arbre à Came qui interprète son rôle d’infirmière en mode full dépression pour bien montrer que tout cela est quand même bien dramatique. Cette impression est d’ailleurs martelée par la réalisation qui abuse du filtre marron caca. C’est bien connu, le monochrome triste ça fait "tro plusse vré koa".
Après avoir passé la journée à faire le tour du village pour aider les chômeurs forcément demeurés puisque pauvres (mention spéciale à la mère de famille qui ne trouve presque pas scandaleux que son mec ait mis en cloque sa fille), notre héroïne, qui habite dans une belle demeure à quelques kilomètres du bled des clodos, rentre chez elle pour retrouver son mioche ainsi qu’un repos bien mérité.
La nourrice de son môme, qui l’attendait, l’accueille avec une petite dose d’exposition dépressive en lui rappelant la disparition de son mari "Qui a quand même laissé un grand vide dans la communauté !". Pour achever son employeuse, elle ajoute même une critique sociale de haut vol capable de faire passer n’importe quel chanteur engagé couinant "la guèr cé mal" pour Martin Luther King (l’inventeur des Burger King) : "Le petit m’a réclamé une télé pour voir des dessins animé mais j’ai refusé, c’est mauvais pour lui !". Au lieu de lui claquer le beignet en gueulant "Garde ta filo 2 poivro é lèsse mon chiar maté Bob les Ponges !!", Jessica va faire des câlins à son gosse puis jouer avec lui en poussant de grands rires pas naturels comme dans les pubs de couches.
Une fois son gosse endormi, elle décide de picoler un coup, probablement pour oublier qu’elle joue dans ce film.
Beurrée comme une spécialité de Maïté, elle finit par s’endormir. Hélas, son repos est de courte durée. Le bruit d’une vitre que l’on casse la réveille. Je ne sais pas vous mais perso, quand je suis pété comme un coing, si par miracle je parviens à entendre un bruit de vitre pendant que je cuve, ma seule réaction sera de marmonner "bordayl, cassez pas les bouteilles" (ou plutôt "beurdhail ! Café po lé boutei*rrrrrrrpffffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpffff*"). Mais bon, ma vie n’est pas facilitée par des arnaques scénaristiques comme certaines !! Pour lever tout doute quand à l’intrusion de vilains dans la maison, et tenter un petit jump scare en traître, la radio de la cuisine s’allume et se met à hurler à tue tête.
Jessica a alors une véritable réaction d’alcoolique ! Au lieu d’aller vérifier que son chiard va bien, elle préfère aller à la cuisine éteindre la radio qui lui donne un début de mal de crâne. Ne vous habituez pas, le réalisme ne va pas durer. Dans la cuisine, elle découvre également que la nourrice s’est fait avoiner la face et qu’on a même pris le temps de la ligoter. Fichtre, cela signifierait-il que le vilain Tall Man est venu choper son gniard ??! Hasard du scénario débile, une silhouette encapuchonnée avec un mioche sous le bras déboule alors dans le couloir et fuit à l’extérieur, probablement pour aller récupérer sa médaille d’or des paralympiques du cerveau parce que, quand on a le temps de péter un carreau, de savater furtivement une grosse, de la ligoter et d’allumer la radio pour réveiller une alcoolique en train de cuver, on a largement le temps de NE PAS ATTENDRE dans le couloir qu’une grognasse se rende compte du coup fumant !!
Bien évidemment, Jessica poursuit le kidnappeur mongolo qui fuit dans un van qui hurle "PEDOPHILE" avec la force d’une cantatrice qui vient de se faire kicker dans les ovaires !
Une molle course poursuite s’engage. Par chance pour Jessica, le vil Tall Man a des gènes de petit vieux vu qu’il roule à 3km/h sur une route déserte. Cela laisse à notre héroïne largement le temps de s’agripper à l’arrière de la camionnette. Malheureusement, comme elle est manchotte, elle se fautre lorsque le véhicule accélère mais, chance à nouveau, le vil kidnappeur qui semble avoir repérée l’héroïne arrête son véhicule. Ce dernier lui envoie son chien qu’elle latte d’un coup de pierre dans la truffe ! Sa victoire est de courte durée puisqu’elle finit malgré tout assommée par le mécréant encapuchonné. Enfin, de courte durée, j’exagère, la lenteur cérébrale du kidnappeur fait qu’il attend 2 longues minutes derrière le van avant d’attaquer Jessica alors qu’il aurait pu le faire quand le chien la tenait en respect. J’imagine que sans ça, le réalisateur n’aurait pas pu tenter, et échouer, de nous faire peur à coup de musique "gang bang de violons" réglementaire des films d’horreur.
Heureusement ! La tête de Jessica est faite en parpaing et le coup ne l’incapacite que quelques minutes. Elle se réveille bien vite à l’arrière de la camionnette avec le chien qu’elle a assommé il y a deux minutes en pleine forme qui lui grogne dessus. Maintenant, c’est certain, la camionnette possède une aura magique de soin !!
Bref, Jessica parvient à se libérer grâce à la disparition magique du chien au détour d’un oubli scénaristique. Elle en profite pour se jeter sur le kidnappeur encapuchonné en train de conduire. Le combat qui s’ensuit étant improvisé dans un véhicule roulant désormais à vive allure (bah oui, plus besoin d’attendre Jessica), ce qui doit arriver arrive et la camionnette fait un tonneau ! Bien joué la mongolote ! Rien de tel pour sauver un gosse que de l’envoyer valser la gueule dans un PLATANE !! Surtout quand on a vu deux scènes plus tôt que le dit gosse n’a pas de ceinture de sécurité !!!!1
Heureusement, vu que tout le monde est en GOD_MODE dans cette daubasse, le kidnappeur parvient à s’extraire du véhicule avec le mioche et à fuir en marchant trèèèèèèèèès doucement le long de la route nationale des fois que des flics patrouillent le secteur. Enfin, bon, je suis mauvaise langue, quel flic saint d’esprit patrouillerait un secteur dans lequel 18 gosses ont disparu, je vous le demande ?
Jessica parvient elle aussi à sortir du véhicule quelques minutes plus tard et reprend sa poursuite. Divers événements inintéressants s’ensuivent comme les fameux sables mouvants des bois tempérés mais heureusement, le calvaire s’achève sur un coup de pelle dans la face de notre héroïne alors qu’elle pénètre dans l’antre du Tall Man. Elle se réveille attachée à une chaise, prisonnière du vilain kidnappeur ! OMAGAD MAIS QUE VA-T-IL SE PASSER ??
Et c’est à cet instant que le twist est dévoilé !!
Le Twist !!!Si vous n’avez pas vécu dans le frigo des courjault au cours des 10 dernières années, vous avez probablement déjà vu toutes les variantes possibles et imaginables de twist dans les films. Du coup, je vous propose un petit jeu : Tentez de deviner quel est le twist "zOMAGAD tro Incroyable vaut mieux que deux tu l’auras !!" de "The Secret" et ce, sans même l’avoir vu !
Étudions les éléments qui nous ont été donnés dans cette première partie du film. Nous avons d’un côté un mystérieux vilain qui kidnappe pleins d’enfants et de l’autre une gentille héroïne trop choupi-meugnonne bien sous tout rapport dont le mari est mort et qui vient de se faire croûter son môme. Que peut-on donc être le twist ?
- A – En fait, le film se passe sur la terre depuis le début comme le prouvent les vestiges de la statue de la liberté.
- B – En fait c’est la gentille héroïne qui kidnappe les enfants et la figure encapuchonnée est une victime qui vient juste récupérer son gniard. Même que son mari n’est pas mort!
- C – En fait, "soleil vert" est fait à base de gens et un peu de popopopop.
- D – Je mets mon clignotant
Si vous avez répondu B, bravo, vous venez de découvrir Zi Sikrit et économisé le PIB du Burkina Faso que représente l’achat d’une place de cinéma de nos jours ! Jessica Joint de Cardan est bien la vilaine qui kidnappe des gosses et la silhouette encapuchonnée que l’on a pris jusque là pour le Tall Man est en réalité la véritable mère de l’enfant venue le récupérer !! MINDBLOW bitches ! Si vous saignez du nez, c’est normal, c’est un anévrisme d’originalité.
Bon, vous allez me dire "Le coup du gentil qui en fait est le méchant c’est pas le twist le plus inattendu de la terre mais en même temps, si le marketing n’avait pas compulsivement appuyé dessus comme un ado devant des boutons d’acné, il aurait pu garder de la fraîcheur ! Franchement pas de quoi en faire le film le plus pourri de la terre ?" mais le soucis c’est qu’à cet instant, un truc chiant appelé "Logique" s’active dans le cerveau des spectateurs qui se rendent soudainement compte que la stupidité de ce film est tellement grande qu’elle aurait droit de monter dans les manèges qui font peur. Rembobinons et remattons ça du point de vue de Jessica pour bien comprendre !
Point de vue de Jessica BielJessica est très contente, elle a déjà réussi à chouraver 18 gosses sans que les bouseux du coin ne remarquent qu’elle les rangeaient directement dans sa baraque en les laissant même se balader aux fenêtres. "Je n’ai aucun mérite, la pauvreté les a tous rendu si bêtes et laids que je pourrais leur faire caca sur la tête, ils penseraient encore que je fais ça pour maintenir leur cerveau au chaud", se dit-t-elle en retournant dans sa demeure après sa rude journée de troll auprès des habitants éplorés.
Sa complice de toujours, "Nourrice", l’attend et, comme elle est méta prudente, elle fait semblant de parler du mari de Jessica comme s’il était vraiment mort alors qu’elle sait parfaitement que ce n’est pas le cas. Sait on jamais, il y a peut être des spectateurs qui regardent ! Le gosse kidnappé enfin couché, les deux amies picolent un bon coup avant d’aller cuver. Et là, c’est le drame ! Une vilaine personne sortie tout droit d’un slasher pourri vient reprendre le mioche ! Bigre, le terrible secret est révélé, que faire ?? Jessica réfléchit intensément. "Devrais-je fuir le pays pour ne pas être arrêtée par la police ?? Non, trop simple ! Devrais-je poursuivre la mère pour récupérer le gosse tout en produisant un accident qui risque de tuer tout le monde ?? Oui, ça me parait nettement plus raisonnable ! EN AVANT !!".
Et c’est ainsi que Jessica s’élance à l’aventure et finit avec une pelle au travers de la tronche, ligotée dans une baraque abandonnée à la merci de la mère dont elle a chouré le mioche alors qu’elle aurait pu fuir pour protéger son secret ! Brillant !
Mais attention, ce n’est pas le plus stupide, c’est lorsque l’on passe au point de vue de la mère que toutes les saveurs de la connerie explosent véritablement en bouche.
Point de vue de la mèreUn jour, alors qu’elle cueille des champignons dans la forêt pour les fumer, la véritable mère du mioche passe aux abords de la demeure de Jessica et aperçoit son enfant habilement dissimulé derrière une vitre transparente. Son sang ne fait qu’un tour et son instinct maternel lui hurle de faire quelque chose !
Mais quoi ??! Activant toute la puissance de son cerveau de pauvre, elle énumère ses options "Je pourrais prévenir la police ? Hum, non, ça ne les intéresserait probablement pas… Je sais, je vais plutôt rentrer dans le tas, tout simplement !! Râh non, trop dangereux. Ah ah ! Je sais ! Je vais attendre ce soir, me mettre une cagoule et le vieux déguisement de Jason que j’ai gardé pour Halloween. Ensuite, j’irai dans la baraque avec mon vagin et mon couteau récupérer mon gosse… quoiqu’un couteau ça pourrait être utile, non je vais y aller les mains vides !! Punaise, je suis géniale !! Bon, il ne me reste plus qu’à trouver un pédovan bien discret et en avant !".
Maman attend donc la nuit et met son plan brillant à exécution à coup de radio qui alerte tout le monde au lieu de se glisser subrepticement dans la maison occupée par deux meufs torchées, voir, simplement choper un flingue et menacer les kidnappeuses de leur faire des troutrous dans la têtête.
Son gosse sous le bras, elle attend comme une gogole que Jessica la repère avant de fuir vers son véhicule. "Impeccable, j’ai mon mioche, wouhou !! Bon, par contre je vais garder ma cagoule de tueur en série pendant touuuuuuut le trajet, ça serait con que mon gniard voit un visage amical à son réveil !! Ah ah ah je suis formidable !! Mince, c’était quoi ce bruit à l’arrière, je vais m’arrêter et envoyer le chien au lieu d’accélérer, c’est plus prudent. Au pire, s’il n’arrive pas à la buter, je marcherai comme un homme pour tromper le public avant de la savater". La suite, vous la connaissez et le tout se termine avec Jessica prisonnière. Youpla boom whizz !
Point de vue du FBIPendant ce temps là, au QG du FBI
- Chef chef chef ! On a 18 kidnappings d’enfants au cours des derniers mois dans le même bled paumé, un genre de village de clodos je crois. Jusque là on avait mis ça sur le compte de fugues, 17 de suite ça paraissait crédible mais 18 ça commence à être louche. On fait quoi chef ?
- Un village de clodos ? Pfuu, laisse moi deviner, je suis sûr qu’ils font exprès de ne pas trouver d’emploi pour ne pas contribuer à la bonne marche de la société ?! J’te parie même qu’ils font des mômes à la chaîne pour les ASSEDICS, un de plus un de moins, quand on prend les vagins pour des bus de clown ça les changera pas des masses ! Nan, on s’en occupe pas !
- Mais chef chef, les infos en parlent en boucle, ça commence à faire pas mal de bruit cette affaire et on va nous demander des comptes.
- Oh tu fais chier Roger. Bon, j’assigne Jean-Jacques sur l’affaire. De tout façon, il est à 6 mois de la retraite et comme il a bien reçu le mémo précisant que cette période de sa carrière l’expose à 95% de risques de décès, il la jouera mollo. Ca calmera ces saletés de médias qui font rien que du mal à nos gentilles têtes blondes et tout le monde sera content.
- Vous êtes formidable chef !! Dites, je peux vous faire mentalement l’amour ?
- Mais ça va pas lieutenant !! D’abord vous devez mentalement me payer un restau ! Je suis pas une onéro-biatch !
Et c’est ainsi que, pendant quasiment tout le début du film, seul 1 agent du FBI plus ridé qu’un Sharpei grabataire assiste le Shérif demeuré de la ville (aidé de son adjoint inutile) dans l’enquête sur la disparition en série de 18 enfants qui font la une des médias !
Je ne sais pas comment ça fonctionne exactement aux États-Unis mais en France, quand on est sûr qu’un gosse à disparu et pas juste fugué, on est capable de labourer des hectares de forêt pour les retrouver, visiblement aux États-Unis ils préfèrent se toucher la nouille en attendant que les chiards tombent des arbres, logique !
La seconde moitié du film : La morale glauque"Bon, ok, c’est vrai que ce twist est super tiré par les cheveux et qu’il a besoin de 15 000 incohérences et la stupidité active de tous les protagonistes pour fonctionner, mais de là à en faire un des films les plus pourris jamais vu, ça parait exagéré, même pour un Roumain qui a moins bon goût que mes toilettes !! Zut quoi, tu as été plus gentil avec 10000 BC et Resident Evil !! T’as mal à l’âme espèce d’émo !??"
En effet, débile ou pas, la première partie de ce film ne mérite pas l’appellation de "plus mauvais film", non, il gagne cet honneur dans la seconde partie que je m’en vais vous résumer joyeusement.
Maintenant que l’on sait que Jessica Joint de Cardan est la grosse méchante, la vrai mère du mioche, toujours déguisée en Tall Man juste parce que, se lance dans un monologue en mousse :
"Pourquoi t’as fait ça ?! Pourquoi t’as kidnappé mon mioche ?? Qu’est ce que tu lui as fait ! Un lavage de cerveau ? Il a fallu une heure pour qu’il me reconnaisse"
Jessica reste stoïque, alors qu’elle aurait dû beugler "Il t’a peut être pas reconnue parce que TU T’EST DEGUISE EN JASON ET TU AS GARDE TA CAGOULE PENDANT TOUT LE TRAJET ESPECE DE GROSSE DEMEUREE §§". Le mutisme de sa prisonnière exaspérant la môman, elle lui colle une grosse tarte ce qui la fait tomber par terre, brisant la chaise sur laquelle elle est attachée dans la manœuvre. Maintenant libre grâce à l’idiotie de sa geôlière, elle savate la mère et re-kidnappe le mioche qu’elle ramène aussi sec dans sa maison.
Une fois chez elle, elle se rend dans sa cave avec le môme faire on ne sait quoi mais comme elle ressort sans ce dernier, un doute malsain s’installe ! Quel autre twist formidable nous attend ?! Bref, sa besogne accomplie, Jessica attend sagement que la foule du village en colère, alerté par la mère (enfin !), vienne encercler sa baraque. Comme les habitants de ce bled sont très bien élevés, ils attendent dehors toute la nuit sans tenter de brûler la bâtisse ni d’y entrer en force pour tabasser l’héroïne. Après tout, on les comprend, elle n’a fait que chouraver 18 de leurs enfants dont ils n’ont depuis plus de nouvelles, pas de quoi en déféquer une pendule !
La matin venu, l’agent du FBI intervient enfin pour récupérer la kidnappeuse. Là encore, je suppose qu’il ne voulait pas sacrifier sa nuit de sommeil pour aller choper la personne qu’il recherche depuis trois plombes ! Purée, si ça c’est pas avoir le sens du devoir d’un cancre, je ne sais pas ce qu’il faut !1
Jessica en taule, on découvre enfin les tenants et les aboutissants de ses actions. En fait, son mari ne bouffe absolument pas les pissenlits par la racine (surprise !), non, il fait partie d’une société secrète dont le but est de kidnapper des enfants à des familles de pauvres pour les filer à des familles de riches parce que, c’est bien connu, il est impossible de s’épanouir chez les prolos… Bref, Opposite-Robin des Bois mais avec des gosses à la place du pognon. Jessica héberge les gosses quelques semaines chez elle pour les "acclimater" à vivre une vie de bourgeois (faut bien qu’ils habituent leur palais à bouffer du caviar je suppose) puis son mari les amène à une famille d’adoption. Tada ! Histoire d’en rajouter dans l’insensibilité, Jessica annonce aux familles que leurs gosses sont morts et qu’ils ne retrouveront jamais leurs corps, parce qu’en plus de ne pas mériter d’avoir de gosses, les pauvres n’ont pas droit à la paix de l’esprit !
Je…je…je ne sais même pas par où commencer tellement cette idée, en plus d’être con, est profondément glauque ! C’est insultant sur tellement de niveaux, c’est insultant pour les familles qui ne roulent pas sur l’or mais qui ont bien pigé que les enfants ont besoin d’affection et pas de trouzmilles figurines Yu-Gi-Oh de mes deux pour être heureux !! C’est insultant pour les personnes ayant grandi dans des milieux défavorisés et qui n’en sont pas pour autant devenu de gros demeurés (ni leurs parents) comme tente de nous le montrer cette daube !! Et pire encore, c’est insultant pour les familles ayant un enfant disparu qui se font dire que c’est peut être parce qu’ils sont trop pauvres et donc trop cons que cela est arrivé !! Mayrde quoi ! Est-ce que quelqu’un à relu cette daube avant de valider "L’arche de Zoé l’apologie – Le film" ??
Je sais, certains me diront "Oui mais c’est peut être juste le réalisateur qui veut faire réfléchir sur un sujet sensible touchant à la morale et l’éthique tic tic et tac ?" mais le problème c’est que le film ne souffre d’aucune ambiguïté ! Pendant toute la durée de cette chiasse, les pauvres sont montrés comme de gros débiles dépressifs incapables de prendre leur vie en main alors que les riches, eux, sont intelligents, raffinés et sensibles !! Jessica Biel est dépeinte comme une héroïne martyre, une victime de sa propre générosité qui se sacrifie pour sauver l’avenir des enfants pauvres en les soutirant des griffes de leurs méchantes familles sans le sou. Même le type du FBI la traite gentiment comme si tout cela n’était qu’un vulgaire malentendu !
C’est n’importe quoi ! il y autant de parents à chier chez les bourges que chez les pécores et vice-versa !! Et puis elle gère comment le choix des famille cette société secrète de la mort ?? Elle pense à vérifier si Papa Hilton, qui a explicitement demandé à avoir "une petite blonde avec une bouche de suceuse", s’enquérait simplement de sa capacité à profiter des cornets de glace qu’il compte lui offrir à foison ?? La gentillesse/honnêteté ne se mesure pas à l’aune de sa fortune !
Et même si l’on admet pendant 2 minutes que le réalisateur à voulu être ambigu (il ne l’est pas), le problème moral qu’il soulève n’existe même pas dans la réalité !! Il y a plus d’orphelins dans le monde que de famille de richouzes prêtes à les accueillir. Gauler des gosses de pauvres est inutile et contre-productif !! Ou alors le film insulte aussi les riches en les supposant superficiels, il leur faut absolument des gosses blancs parce que les petits africains ou chinois c’est caca c’est ça ?? Tout le monde en prend dans sa tronche, c’est la fête !
Coup de grâce de cette daube, à la fin, on assiste à une scène ou le mari remet une mioche à une bourgeoise et il refuse que celle-ci le paie parce que "ça serait une insulte au sacrifice de Jessica qui est une fille formidable, après tout, elle rend des familles de pauvres malheureuses en les persuadant que leurs gosses sont morts !! Ah ah ah, enculés de pécores !!". Que doit-on en déduire ? Que cette société secrète useless est suffisamment blindée pour auto-financer sa campagne de kidnapping et garantir le silence de tous les participants sans avoir besoin d’être payée ? S’ils sont über riches, pourquoi ne pas plutôt aider financièrement les familles de pauvres pour qu’ils puissent offrir des cartes pokémons à leurs gosses (parce qu’il n’y a que les possessions matérielles qui rendent heureux je vous le rappelle !!) ou une bonne éducation sans passer par la case rapt ?? On n’en saura rien et très franchement, après cette apologie de la connerie, on s’en tape !
D’ailleurs, et après j’arrête de m’énerver tout seul devant mon clavier ou on va finir par m’inoculer inopinément un antirabique "J’ai toujours su qu’il était fou !! Il rit à des blagues pipi caca ! Vous imaginez !!". Comment une société secrète qui kidnappe trouzmille enfants parvient à garder le secret ?? Personne dans l’entourage des familles adoptives ne se rend compte que Charles-Antoine, le nouveau gosse apparu magiquement chez les De-PouetPouet, ressemble foutrement à John-Bob, le mioche disparu dont les infos parlent depuis 3 semaines ?? Et les gosses eux même, ils sont lobotomisés magiquement pour oublier leurs vrais parents ??
Ca n’a pas de sens, alors je crie très fort en appuyant compulsivement sur la touche point d’exclamation de mon clavier pour montrer mon désarroi et ma colère !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Conclusion"The Secret" est un film qui dépasse la frontière du film "juste moisi" avec son twist illogique pour rentrer de plein pied dans le royaume du film puant grâce à sa morale glauquissime basée sur un problème éthique qui n’existe même pas. Si malgré cela vous voulez aller voir cette daubasse, épargnez vous la dépense, vous pouvez obtenir le même résultat chez vous avec des legos, un coin de table et un ongle incarné.
Note :
(0/10, le réalisateur les a tous fumés)|
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- Par | vendredi 5 octobre 2012 | 17:08
- Commentaires91 commentaires CatégorieCritiquage de films Mots-cléscritique, les pauvres y puent les riches y roxxent, morale glauque, the secret, the tall man
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Savage Stack | lundi 4 septembre 2023 | 18:03Nonetheless, my analysis will consider ways in which IndieWeb’s contributors may structure their work
in accordance with beliefs about abstract ‘end-users’ or other postsocial ties.
Concepts from Braverman’s approach are useful for my analysis, but it is necessary to address ways in which IndieWeb presents a dramatically different context
than the factory floors about which Braverman wrote.
1The term "builder" in an IndieWeb context has been used interchangeably
with "creator." As a result, quotations presented in this section use both
terms as equivalent. As a result, my participant-observation emphasizes building as a primary mode of participation. Documentation and open source practices
reflect a commitment to benevolence, which helps various members of IndieWeb’s community achieve
autonomy and self-empowerment by building upon each other’s work.
Finally, I hope this dissertation is a benefit to
people in IndieWeb’s community. Finally, I discuss ethical considerations
related to this dissertation and identify limitations. Lave and
Wenger (1991) introduced communities of practice to frame learning as a social process, not simply from teacher
to student (or master to apprentice) but among groups
of individuals. Brown and Duguid (1991) connect communities of practice to divisions of labour by describing
how communities of workers collaboratively develop non-canonical
practices to compensate when canonical descriptions of work (e.g.
as described by management) are inadequate.
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Schmidt, Michael S. "Manny Ramirez Retires After Testing Positive." The New York Times.
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In many use-cases, privacy is a potential rather
FirmUp XR | mardi 19 septembre 2023 | 11:53In many use-cases, privacy is a potential rather than performed value in Bridgy,
since the software usually deals with public data.
The consequence of pollution has the effect of harming the realization of environmental
values; and where cars facilitate high speed travel without
reliance on public transportation, they support the realization of
values of individualism and autonomy. Thus, when our understanding of those situations changes, our
understandings of all of their constituent parts may change,
including the values we have introduced to the situation.
For example, the receiver may display the contents of the source as a comment on the post, or may display
the author’s profile photo in a list of others who have sent similar Webmentions, e.g.
showing a list of people who have all "liked" a post.
In many cases, some components of personal websites are released under open source licenses, but not the whole site.
And further, IndieWeb obviously operates within the broader infrastructure of the Web,
relying and expanding upon technical standards like HTML and CSS as well
as negotiating through the Web’s standardization bodies etc.
IndieWeb is also a site for platforms in several respects.
You'll also find out about the possible benefits
FirmUp XR | mardi 19 septembre 2023 | 19:44You'll also find out about the possible benefits
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There are, of course, individuals in IndieWeb’s community who have articulated strong political views on their websites,
during interviews, or elsewhere. During interviews, I asked participants
if they felt they had been influential in the IndieWeb as well as who had influenced them.
You have to participate in their communities as well.
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We're also register with DIRECTORATE OF SERVICE TAX, DELHI Department OF Revenue,
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diseases in society, thereby lowering the burden on the general public healthcare system.
The city of Colleyville works with the Tarrant County
Public Health Department to scale back the impression that mosquitoes have on the residents of
Colleyville.
We first produced single within-condition SPMs for
FirmUp XR | jeudi 21 septembre 2023 | 21:30We first produced single within-condition SPMs for both the subliminal and supraliminal conditions.
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Namely, conventional ethnographic methods such as
FirmUp XR | vendredi 22 septembre 2023 | 02:27Namely, conventional ethnographic methods such as participant-observation, document analysis, and interviews; critical making (Ratto 2011) as a vehicle for auto-ethnographic analysis; and
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